Survivors Gulit
by Edwards Meteor
Summary: Bella is a survivor of a bombing, after losing everything she holds dear can someone make her hold on to life? Will this mystery man let her die? crappy summary i kno.
1. Chapter 1

Survivors Guilt

Disclaimers: I don't own any thing associated with twilight

Another gunshot.

Another patient.

Another day in the hell they call War.

The cries of the injured, the cries of the soldiers who have gone insane, are so devastating that they could make any void-of-emotion person cry. Yet for every rule there is an exception. She is the exception. She…with her once curly, ink black hair that now lies limp and lifeless. Her once smoky grey eyes now empty and cold.

Another patient is brought in, grenade explosion they say. His screams are loud enough and painful enough to wake the dead. Yet she doesn't stir. She stares blankly ahead, looking at nothing, not moving a muscle.

Everything and everyone around her moves with purpose, to save those who need saving. Yet she cannot be saved. They move with determination, to save those who are barely in this world. The rise and fall of her chest gives the only indication that she is still in this world. Breathing is painful for most patients, yet she shows no pain.

She feels no pain.

Pain is a foreign word to her.

Pain is a weakness, it slows you down.

A nurse approaches and murmurs something to her. Her expression does not change. The nurse just watches her, waiting for a reaction. The nurse becomes alarmed as the rise and fall of her chest starts to diminish…she calls for help as her breathing becomes shallower…they rush to help her as her heartbeat slows…

The doctors and nurses become panicked as they see her slipping, trying to keep her alive.

Yet she doesn't want to be alive, she doesn't want to be saved.

They tell her, don't give up. Yet she doesn't want to go on.

Her life monitor flat lines and everyone becomes frantic.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. Check. Breathe. Check.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. Check. Breathe. Check.

Still no signs of life from the body on the bed.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. Check. Breathe. Check.

They're going to have to call it soon, if she doesn't respond.

One. Two. Three. Breathe. Check. Breathe. Check.

They're losing hope. As a last result, the doctor thumps her chest with his fist….

…the smallest of gasps is heard and a cheer is sounded.

She's back, they think. She's willing to fight, they think. But they couldn't be more wrong.

She's back because they made her come back…

She doesn't want to be here…

She doesn't want to fight…

What she wants is to be left alone, to waste away to nothing.

She doesn't want to remember…it brings back pain she doesn't want…pain she has tried to hide behind an emotionless cover. Yet it's coming back.

The pain…

The unbearable pain.

Haunted eyes rise in front of her own and she tries to hold back her mountain of tears.

Her cover is slipping and she doesn't want it to. She can feel the tears fighting to be free.

She blinks rapidly to hold them back, yet one slips free.

One…

Lone…

Tear…

It slowly makes a track down her face and into her hair.

A nurse looks at her in pity.

This is why she doesn't want to show pain. This is why she doesn't want to feel pain. She doesn't want the pity. She doesn't need the pity.

She wants to disappear. Disappear from this place, this land and this life.

Nobody will miss her, she has no family to go home to, the doctors and nurses only care for her because they have to, because its their job.

She lies there as still as a statue, thinking about yesterday and what could have been. What could have been if she hadn't gotten onto that train. If she had only listened to her father. Why had she been so stupid and insisted on going by train to the country? Why couldn't she have gone by car like her father had suggested?

But why had he been so stupid and given into her demands? Why couldn't he have been more stubborn and insisted on going in the car?

If he had, she wouldn't be like this and he wouldn't have left her. She would still be willing to live and not wanting to die. She didn't deserve to be here. Not after what she had done to her father. She didn't want to be here knowing that it was her fault that her father met his end as soon as he got onto that train.

The nurse had told her that after the train had been bombed, that they had concentrated on getting the survivors-like her- the medical attention that they needed. Her father had been discovered.

Dead.

She said he would have died straight away, felt no pain. At least she didn't cause him to suffer as he died. She wasn't guilty for making him suffer. Like she was for him being killed.

Like the emotional guilt she felt for the harsh words she lashed at him during the argument, words she meant at the time, yet now fills her with even more guilt. Another reason that she doesn't belong here. Why should she be here when she was the one who caused the beginning of the end of his life?

She just wished that the doctors and nurses would leave her alone so she could go in peace. But they wouldn't let her go. Someone was now constantly checking on her, making sure she didn't try something stupid.

But what do they know? They don't know what it's like to live with this pain, this guilt.

They don't know the meaning of survivor's guilt.

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	2. No Hope

Chapter 2: No Hope

Chapter 2: No Hope.

There was a new doctor. Great. Another doctor to make sure that she didn't fade away like she wanted to.

He came and visited her this afternoon. He said he wanted to _help_ her. She didn't need or want his help. So she ignored him. She ignored him in the hopes that he would go away and leave her alone. He wouldn't go away. He just continued to talk about her _situation_. She didn't even look up at him or acknowledge that she understood what he said. Eventually he left. He had to. It was a hospital. He had other patients to care for. Patients who wanted to live. Patients who had something or someone to live for. Unlike her.

A nurse came in with a bedpan. Urgh, she hated that thing. But she wasn't allowed out of bed. Not with so many possibilities and ways that she could hurt herself. Its not like she could move anyway. With her left leg broken and her right ankle broken, she couldn't get up, even if she wanted to.

The nurse left and came back with lunch. She placed the lunch on the table next to the unresponsive girl. The girl didn't move form her curled up position. She took the lid of the bowl of soup and placed a spoon next to it. Still the girl didn't move. The girl on the bed was the talk amongst ward staff. No one knew what to do about her. Except for the incident last week, she rarely moved, never spoke to anyone, never looked at anyone when they spoke to her. The only time that she moved was when either the nurses moved her or when her meals were brought to her. She sometimes didn't even move for that.

The staff are hoping that the new doctor-Doctor Cullen- will be able to help this young girl. To pull her out of her depression. They know they're asking a lot of him but he was this girls last chance. It was either he saved her or they'd lock her away. The latter was the absolute last result, but it was the only option left. They needed all the beds they could. They were in the middle of a WWIII and it didn't look like it was going to stop anytime soon.

The nurse moved the table into the space above the girls body. To the nurses surprise the girl responded. But not in the way she expected. Without looking up, she swiped the soup off the table and onto the floor.

Maybe the nurse would get the idea now. She didn't want to be disturbed. She wanted to slip away and never come back.

The nurse pursed her lips and cleaned up the soup. She didn't look happy. Well good. Maybe she'll leave her alone now. The nurse left and once again it was quiet and peaceful. She was alone

Doctor Carlisle Cullen was fascinated by the case of the "Silent Girl". When he visited the girl before she had made no indication that she knew he was there. There was not much information on the "Silent Girl", except for her name and age.

Isabella Marie Swan-18.

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**3Edwards Meteor3 **


	3. What Do You Know?

Chapter 3:

Chapter 3:

Nighttime. She didn't like nighttime. The darkness. The uncertainty of the new day, of whether she will still wake up to this hell. The worst part of nighttime thought, is the part where she has to sleep. Sleep equals nightmares. Nightmares equals unwanted memories. Memories she never wanted to remember…

_Flashback_

_The train had stopped. Why had the train stopped? They were nowhere near their destination. There was noises overhead-planes- allies or enemies?_

_Screams erupted everywhere as the train shook. Enemies. Smoke poured out of the front of the train. The train shook harder. The lights went out. She started to panic. What was happening? Why was she cold? She turned to her father and then…._

_End Flashback_

She woke up all clammy. Why her? Why does she have to be tortured by the flashbacks? She knows it was her fault that he died. She knows that she shouldn't be here. She knows that she needs to disappear. So why wont anyone let her? Why do they care about keeping her here?

The stupid painkillers were kicking in again. She didn't want to go back to sleep. Back to the nightmares.

_Flashback_

_Pain._

_That's all her brain registered. Agony. Someone was screaming. More than one someone. What was going on? She couldn't see anything. Why couldn't she see anything? More screaming. Oh, it was her. She was screaming. Why was she screaming?_

_Something moved. Oh no. She remembered. The planes, the smoke, her turning to her father…_

_End flashback_

Her eyes flashed open and she sat up. She muffled a scream. Where was she? Her eyes focused. Oh the hospital. Light shone in the window. Morning-daylight.

Urgh. She was still here. Her stomach rumbled. She was hungry. But she wouldn't eat. She curled up on the bed with her back to the door. She would refuse food when they brought it to her. She would fade away slowly, but she would fade away. They wouldn't be able to stop her.

Her door opened. Breakfast time. But it wasn't the nurse with breakfast. It was Doctor Cullen. Fantastic. He was back. More talk about _helping_ her. She made no indication that she knew he was there.

"Good morning Bella. How are we today?" Doctor Cullen asked.

What a stupid question. Idiot. The doctor didn't now anything. How could she be ok? Moron.

"I do require an answer from you Bella. You cant keep this up for much longer. So why don't you just talk to me Bella." Doctor Cullen went on.

Watch me. I don't have to answer him if I don't want to. I can do this all day. I have been for the weeks or so. This new doctor is really starting to annoy me. I don't want to talk to him, I don't want to talk to anyone. Why doesn't anyone get that? Why doesn't _Doctor _Cullen get that? I mean he is a doctor. He should respect his patients wishes. And mine is for me to slip away. So he should let me. It wouldn't matter anyway. No one would miss me. Doctor Cullen said something else. Is he still talking? I might actually speak to him soon, only to tell him to shut it.

"Now I know this is hard for you Bella, but you…." Doctor Cullen started, but I didn't let him finish

"YOU KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR ME?? WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW??" I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand him talking to me as if he knew what I was feeling.

Doctor Cullen looked stunned that I had actually said something. I still hadn't moved but I had spoken.

"See that wasn't so hard now was it Bella? I know what your going through Bella but…."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH? HOW THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT IM GOING THROUGH? HAVE YOU LOST THE ONLY PERSON YOU HAVE LEFT AND KNOW IT WAS YOUR FAULT? NO! YOU HAVEN'T! SO GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!! WHY WONT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!" I had turned my head towards and looked at him furiously. I turned away and shut my eyes.

She turned away from me and shut her eyes. She has actually spoken, well shouted was more like it. But she had actually done something other than just lay there and not move. Maybe there was still hope for her after all.


End file.
